I never got around to finishing the blog. Unfortunately, at my last scan, one of the twins had died in the womb. The remaining twin was smaller and we decided that she would be born in the hope that the Neonatal care unit could offer her a better chance. The doctors helped us to decide. She could have stayed inside but it felt unsafe in there to me.
I knew there was little hope either way. This baby was "ill" from Twin to Twin Transfusion. At 29 weeks gestation (when she was born), she only weighed 1lb 5oz. The other baby was 2lb 3oz but her weakened heart had given out.
Honi was stillborn on 28th April 3:54pm and Amber was born alive on 28th April 3:55pm. The doctors managed to resusitate her and give her all the support they could. Unfortunatly she died 3 days 15 hours later. We were told when she was fading and there was nothing more they could do. We consented to the removal of life support and a morphine drip was left in for her comfort. Amber died in our arms on Saturday morning 2nd May. We are so grateful to have seen Amber alive despite the wires and tubes. And we are grateful to have seen and held Honi. Being identical, we could see Amber's features (hidden by breathing tube) reflected in her sister. They were so perfect and beautiful, with a fine sprinkling of white-blonde hair. We will never forget them.

Our older daughter, Keira, also has blonde hair and she has been a godsend and will help us get through.
I thank all our daughters for the love they have brought and these last 2 have brought Tony and I closer together.
I am also grateful to all the staff at St Mary's hospital who have been really excellent. In particular Doctor Chan, our consultant. I still thank Prof Kilby at Birmingham women's hospital for his efforts to save the twins (by laser ablation of the placenta). Sometimes there are blood vessels deeper in the placenta that he cannot see/get and these perpetuate the problem though at a slower rate, as in our case.

We have cried and hugged and cried again. Yes, I am able to go on and Keira helps make sure of that. Some people worry that I am bottling things up but I simply need privacy to grieve. My tear ducts don't work properly with an audience.

The twins are now like 2 angels, one on each shoulder.